My Sorta Dating Guide (in 500 Words or Less)

It’s been MONTHS since I’ve blogged so I decided to respond to a challenge issued by a fellow blogger at If you’re too lazy to check out the link let me sum up the challenge: post an inspiring or informative blog post in 500 words or less. So here it is, “My Sorta Dating Guide (in 500 Words or Less)”.

1. Know What You’re Looking For – If you’re only looking for sex, visit craigslist or try to convince Candy to come home with you from the strip club. Please don’t break a good girl’s heart by hitting and quitting. You guys are selfish assholes and you only ruin it for the rest of us.

2. Be Resilient – I have a motto: “Any guy can get any girl, but no guy can get every girl.” If a girl is not into you, then that’s her loss. But of course if you’re some homicidal, Pokemon card collecting, bowl cut wearing maniac who lives in his mother’s basement then it’s probably best you get rejected.

Ladies, if a guy like this approaches you, run the other way. He'll likely murder you if you reject him.

Ladies, if a guy like this approaches you, run the other way. He’ll likely murder you if you reject him.

Sorry, we don’t need guys like that reproducing. The point I’m making here is, keep it moving if a girl rejects you! I can’t count how many screened calls, ignored texts and fake phone numbers I’ve gotten in my dating career.

3. Put Yourself Out There – It’s 2015 and social networking and dating sites are more prevalent than they have ever been. Nowadays, you can literally meet your future wife from the comfort of your living room. I personally think it’s best to meet women in person. That way, they can get a good feel for you and you can woo them with charm….or repulse them with your social awkwardness and the overwhelming stench of your cheap dollar store cologne.

4. Be Yourself – C’mon, you had to know this one was coming! As cliche as this sounds, I find that being myself never fails me. I’m naturally an easygoing, super sarcastic, mildly entertaining guy. I’m unnaturally a disrespectful, hood repping, 9mm toting thug. So, by being myself, I find that I have more success with meeting women who like me for me. Those are the women you want anyway.

5. Have a Hobby – If you have a hobby develop it. If not, get one. Someone somewhere once said that “people with interests are interesting people.” Take up photography, master your nunchuk skills, or workout (yuck!). That way, even if you

Women love guys with nunchaku skills. Bruce Lee knows, he literally died from drowning in p***y!

suck at picking up women, at least you know that you can swiftly dismantle a group of bad guys with your trusty nunchuks!

6. Treat Women Accordingly – I believe that women will show you how they want to be treated. So women, if you wear dresses that leave almost nothing to the imagination and refer to yourself as a “badd bitch”, don’t expect us to put a ring on your finger. And please don’t cry about how men don’t respect you. You did it to yourself.

I’m no dating guru, but these are just a few of my dating tips. Now go get em tiger!


9 thoughts on “My Sorta Dating Guide (in 500 Words or Less)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s